I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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