It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
