Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
