I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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