he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
