ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
