**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
