I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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