Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
