I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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