Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
