we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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