Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
