whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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