now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
