Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
