I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
