People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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