At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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