I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
