totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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