i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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