Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
