At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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