Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
