Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
