I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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