I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize