Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
