I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
