i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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