her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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