if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Still dying that you shit outside
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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