I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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