Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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