I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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