can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
