she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
