When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
