It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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