I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So many bounce houses so little time
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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