you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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