I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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