how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Come on in and take your pants off
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