can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
