Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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