The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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