Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
