at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
