theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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