I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
