Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
