i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
