You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
