If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
