this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
