I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
