the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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