i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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