If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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