What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
