I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
